Being the Minority for a Change

Fairhaven:

One day, I went to lunch at the usual place, Fairhaven, where I ate some local food with my coworkers, like usual (except rice is actually considered foreign, though it's common). We sit inside or outside, depending on where an open table is (it's covered outside, so no problems with that). When the people who go don't fit around one table (which usually seats 4-5) it is common that the extras will find seating where they can and other groups accept the extras. I thought that was very nice and was pleased when, for the first time, a man sat down two of my coworkers and myself (Irene and Asiimwe). He gave me a weird vibe... like the stereotypical bad husband if you know what I mean, but I tried to be optimistic. I noticed that he never spoke to me, even when he was in a conversation I started or played a bigger role in. He would look and direct everything at my coworkers. The way he spoke was kind of mumble-y (?) and most of what he said was observation, but the kind that tries to convey that he is right and has the best opinion. Mostly, I tried to ignore him and talk to my friends. We were talking about the food and he said that this place was much better than Gardens (a nice place in town). He said Gardens has a wider variety but it is not cooked nearly as well. He said, "they have a lot, but it's not good. It's probably for them..." (insert a quick look and head-tip-upwards at me) "...the whites."

 

I hope I expressed that well. I don't think I could possibly explain the feeling of it (of both the comment and also the way it made me feel). But it was clearly negative. I tuned out for a while, surprised at what had just happened. Every single Ugandan I've met has been warm, calm, and kind. Nearly every one ends an introduction with me by saying "you are welcome" (it sounds like they are saying this after I have thanked them for something, but the meaning is “you are welcome here”) and they have the unique ability to find a reason to laugh at any comment or situation. When I tuned back in, he was listing off foods at Gardens that he apparently thought shouldn't be there. "Chicken burgers, hamburgers..." Except he said burgers more like this: BOORgers. Like it was disgusting even to say the word. Luckily I left soon after that, so I didn't have to hear much more. I was especially offended, though, because I have made a great effort to eat as much local food as possible (and have only been sick once). I have not had a negative interaction before or after this one.

 

This happened to me many days ago, and it has taken this long for me to wrap my head around the experience. All of my life I felt, on some level, that I could understand in some way what it might be like to be a racial minority and experience hate. I realize now that I could never have understood without coming to Africa (or another place) and becoming what I wanted to understand. Most of all, I understand that Africans are not racist, just as whites are not racist, just as Americans are not wealthy and the British are not cold. To be clear, all groups, of whatever nature, have components that represent a wide variety of values, beliefs, socio-economic status, and all other characteristics a human being can have. The human condition is truly universal and our deep understanding and recognition of this is often made difficult or unclear due to differences in our culture, experiences and opportunities.

 

Though this reflection made it clear to me the need for solidarity in the world, what helped more still was the reflection that my mom shared with me. Here, is what she wrote to me:

 

“[Your experience] sends an important message about the idea that how we view and treat others is what causes pain and suffering in this world and we are all guilty and we are all susceptible so we should all cut it out and realize we are all human and that makes us one person. I remember watching a mass on TV once and the priest said, "We are all one in the body of Christ and the body of Christ has AIDS.  We have AIDS." That was my most powerful experience with TV. And it is so true.  If someone hates, we have hate. If someone loves, we have love. We truly are all one, one in Christ or one in humanity, whatever way you want to look at it.  We are no better off than the poorest among us.”

 

It was this email that made me decide to post this experience here on my blog. I think this idea of the connectedness between all humans is wonderful and widespread, but I often find that it is easier to say and think than truly believe and act upon. I have asked many about their opinion of what makes humans special and often I receive the reply: rationality. What a wonderful gift we have. But I believe that humans are also blessed with a mysterious and sacred connectedness that must be revered. May we use our rationality to strengthen this bond, through an increased amount of understanding and tolerance from each of our hearts.